The Bedroom Battle: How EFT Helped Me Release Control and Find Calm

During EFT sessions it is very normal for memories to pop up when you are tapping on events from your life now and they can be a doorway into letting go of triggers in your current life.

I’ve recently had a gifted EFT session as the client where I was working on the relationship with my teenage son. I am finding the transition from being a real hands-on “protective mum does everything for him”, to one of a more hands-off supporting mum quite challenging. We discussed in the session how unfortunately there is not this magic date that you know when you need to start letting go, releasing the reins as it were. You start with this helpless little baby that needs you for everything and all they want is to be close to you and then with the blink of an eye they’re towering over you in height, they’re moody and ignoring you and it feels so sudden – no one sent me the manual in advance!! The teenage years are something no one prepares you for.  So, there is a big part of me that wants to hold on and feel in control, to keep my little boy safe and do everything for him – because for whatever reason that’s how I am wired, but that doesn’t help my son grow and find his independence. It is a natural progression that he starts to pull away and not want my help all the time and it’s my responsibility to deal with my emotions and feelings around that and not his.

One clear example of this is his bedroom. It is driving me crazy how messy and cluttered it is. He recently moved some workout equipment in there – without making space for it first. This triggered something within me, and I started badgering him to let me rearrange the room and make it more practical. Right now, it’s a struggle to maneuverer around the room without tripping over stuff. And tidy room, tidy mind. As it was bothering me, and I assumed bothering him, I had offered multiple times to declutter and make it more practical but each time he said no. And I can see that with me keep bringing it up was starting to piss him off. So, this was an example I used in the session with my practitioner of how I want to be in control and help and look after him, because who doesn’t want a tidy room right? And how he is clearly showing me that this is his space, and he doesn’t want me in there. He is not a child anymore. He doesn’t need my help / interference in this matter.

So, as we started to tap on my emotions and thoughts around the situation, a clear memory popped into my mind, and I started to laugh.

The memory was of me as a 14-year-old. My parents had spent a small furniture on MFI fitted bedroom furniture for each of my parents, my brothers and my bedrooms. And my dad had sweated every evening after work and every weekend to install this furniture. The rooms had been freshly wallpapered and carpeted and once the rooms were complete, they looked like show rooms. I was really pleased with my room, for once I didn’t have this mad blend of furniture that didn’t match, and that I had inherited. But shortly after the bedroom was finished my dad started coming into my room every afternoon when he came home from work for a “daily inspection” to check I was keeping it clean. He would come into the room and open the wardrobe and check everything was neat. To be fair he probably only did it a few days in a row, but I was furious, and the annoyance started to build. And as I recalled the memory in the session, I could still feel the annoyance in my body. He was invading my space – it was my bedroom, and I had felt enraged. I recalled that I had exploded at him – and told him to get out, followed him on to the landing outside my room still shouting and then stomped into my room slamming the door behind me. And that’s what made me laugh - history was repeating itself!! Here I was badgering my 14-year-old to tidy his room, and he didn’t want me too. We tapped on the memory and how it related to my current experiences, and it was a real eye-opening session. There was a link there to show me the experience from my son’s point of view. I hadn’t liked it as a teenager so why on earth would he?

By the end of the hour, I felt much easier about everything. I could relate in some way to being a teenager and how it was to need to have your own space and do things your own way. I began with a fear of “letting go” of my son, by the end of the session I felt more comfortable with seeing that he has to learn from his own mistakes (I am super averse to the phrase “learn the hard way”), that he will grow from doing stuff himself, and that his bedroom can be his space that he can do with what he wants as long as he brings out his dirty washing every week so I don’t have to go into hunt it down.

What I love about every EFT session is you never know where they are going to go. I had totally forgotten about that memory with my dad. He probably won’t remember it – although he was super proud of those bedrooms and rightly so. But sometimes events can hold an imprint in our bodies which will be triggered and cause those feelings to come up again. You don’t know why in the moment but once you explore where they might come from it starts to make sense and you can work to let the emotions and feelings go so, they don’t trigger you in the future.

If you want to explore something that keeps bothering you and you’re not sure why, get in touch for a bespoke session.